Guilt, Gifts, and Generations

 

As we enter the official celebratory time of Mothers and Fathers, I want to offer some support and guidance on how to address removing items from your home that contain 

emotional value. 

There is clutter we collect and obtain through the years that is more than just “stuff.” Some of it contains or evokes connection, memories, and love; for times gone by, loved ones lost, and memories that we cherish for and with people we love.

Just the thought of parting with sentimental items can cause some folks to feel deep guilt and sadness. I promise, it is OK to feel this way, and it is also OK to let things go. Once “things” are removed from our space that we simply don’t want there anymore, the missing of it quickly goes away. Speaking from a lot of experience, I can tell you that there is a fresh breath of life when one declutters, even of items that I and others I’ve worked with thought would feel devastated about parting with.

 

There are 3 hurdles that we can face when considering decluttering items that hold more than the value of regular use:

1.             Guilt - Over Letting Go of Meaningful Keepsakes

2.            Gifts - Feeling Obligated to Keep What Was Given

3.             Generations - The Emotional Weight of Family Belongings

 

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GUILT

“Am I going to forget a person or memory?”

When making the choice, it’s important to reframe guilt and remember that letting go of an item does not mean letting go of the person, the memory, the love, or the connection. You don’t have to let go of those most important aspects connected to the item.

If you find that you need items removed from your space and want to ensure the memory of the item is there to sustain the memory of the person or event, fear not, there are ways!

 

Tips:

Keep the Memory, Not the Object: Take digital photos, write about it in a journal or letter, or if there is a small part of it that you can keep without impacting your sanity with clutter, tuck that away in a special spot, or put it on display in a designated spot for treasures.

Focus on What Serves Your Life Now: Remember that those that love you and gave you an item or shared time with you associated with that item, want you to live your life how best serves you. People that truly love us don’t want us to feel burdened, they want us to feel light and fulfilled.

 

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GIFTS

“Am I being disrespectful to someone I care about?” “I Feel Obligated to Keep This.”

When someone gives you a gift, especially a heartfelt or homemade one, you can feel that letting go if it is disrespectful or letting the giver down.

“Oh, but they spent their resources of time, money, personal energy, on this for me.”

“Maybe they’ll notice it’s not in my space when they come to visit next.”

“Am I being ungrateful?”

The truth of the matter is you don’t have to keep it. You are not obligated to keep anything. If the item doesn’t serve you or your life, it’s ok to say bye to it.

A gift fulfills its purpose the moment it is given. Giving is a gesture from one person to another. Their thoughtfulness and care for you is the most significant and important part of the gift giving. You respect the relationship by accepting the gift in the moment, and expressing appreciation, not by keeping it indefinitely if you find it no longer fits in your life.

 

Tips:                                                       

Gift Memory Photo Album: As someone who would like to minimize collection and maintain a clutter free space, if you want to keep the memory of the item more vivid, snap a digital photo and add it to a digital photo album specifically for gifts you’ve been given.

then…

Rehome the Item: Find a person, charity, or donation center to pass it along to.

Be Honest About Future Gift Giving: This one is huge and very helpful for potential future gifts. Let the people close to you know that you are working on building and living a more minimal lifestyle and that you’re working on removing things, and keeping only what you truly need or treasure, and they will adjust how they approach showing appreciation for you by getting creative outside of gift giving.  

 

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GENERATIONS

“How can I possibly get rid of something that belonged to my family?”

This is one that can really hit home…literally. Family belongings can carry a heavy burden, because who wants to be the one to break the chain of passing things down? Some folks take on items simply because of history and obligation without even wanting them in their home and life. Or maybe (like with anything you’d obtain on your own), you want it initially but over time it no longer fits in with your life.

A food for thought: Not all belongings passed down are precious heirlooms that the original owner wanted passed down for eternity. It may just be an item(s) that someone owned that they never thought of as an important thing to send forth into the future.

Remember, they are objects. They don’t define your relationship to the person or history from whence they came. You are not required to be a museum of your family’s items. You get to choose how you want your space, and what is in it. I empower you to make that choice for yourself.

You can hold onto memories and honor your family in other ways that do not burden your everyday life and sanity.

 

Tips:

Share the Legacy: Host a gathering where friends, relatives and loved ones can choose items they want to keep, so you know it is going to someone that also loved the previous owner.

Repurpose: Have a box of quilts? Turn them into throw pillows, or coasters. Teacups? Use for jewelry holders. The piece of furniture that doesn’t match your home’s design theme: Have it refinished or reconstructed to align with your space.

Share the Stories: Document via photos, writing, or audio recordings about the item(s), who they belonged to, what they meant to that person and/or mean to you.

 

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At the end of the day, you are empowered to make choices that serve you and your life best. We only have now, and we only have today. Free yourself of guilt and obligation over “stuff”.

Give thanks for the kindness and thoughtful gestures of the past that brought these items into your life, make your intentions for moving forward clear to anyone that needs to know, and relieve yourself of the burden of the emotional and physical clutter that you want to shed.

Do with your items as is best for You, no matter how they entered your life.

At the end of the day, stuff is just stuff.

It’s the thoughts, memories, and feelings that we can carry

with us through our every day that matter most.

If you want or need some assistance through this process, from a Professional Organizer, I will be honored to help.

Book your free consultation HERE, where we can discuss how I can best serve your goals.